Determining whether someone is purposely abusing you or unaware of their actions can be difficult, especially if you are in a close relationship with that person. Here are some factors to consider when trying to understand the situation:
Patterns of behavior: Look for consistent patterns of behavior over time. If the abusive actions happen repeatedly and seem intentional, it could indicate purposeful abuse. However, even if the person seems unaware, repeated harmful behavior still needs to be addressed.
Intent and awareness: Understanding someone's intent can be challenging, as it requires insight into their thoughts and feelings. Some people may be fully aware of their abusive behavior and intentionally seek to control or harm others. Others may be unconsciously repeating harmful patterns they learned from their upbringing or previous experiences.
Reaction to feedback: Pay attention to how the person reacts when you or others express concern about their behavior. A person who is unaware of their actions may respond with surprise or confusion and be willing to reflect and change. On the other hand, someone who is intentionally abusive may deny their actions, become defensive, or blame others.
Empathy and remorse: Consider whether the person shows genuine empathy and remorse for their actions. A person who is unaware of the harm they are causing may express regret once they understand the impact of their behavior. On the other hand, someone who is intentionally abusive may lack true remorse and continue to engage in harmful actions.
Manipulation and control: Intentional abusers often use manipulation and control tactics to maintain power over their victims. They may minimize or gaslight the victim's feelings, making it challenging for the victim to recognize the abuse or speak out about it.
Seeking professional advice: If you are unsure about the situation or find it difficult to determine the person's intent, seeking guidance from a therapist, counselor, or support group can be beneficial. They can provide an objective perspective and help you navigate the situation safely.
Remember, abuse is never acceptable, regardless of the abuser's intent or awareness. If you are experiencing abusive behavior, it's essential to prioritize your safety and well-being. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals who can support you in seeking help and making decisions that are in your best interest.