The behavior you described, where a partner antagonizes or provokes you and then shifts blame onto you, is often a manipulative tactic known as "gaslighting." Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to make someone doubt their perception, memory, or sanity. The gaslighter's goal is to gain power and control over the other person by making them question their reality and feel responsible for the problems in the relationship.
Gaslighting can be extremely harmful and damaging to the victim's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and mental health. It creates confusion, self-doubt, and a sense of being at fault for things that are not their responsibility.
There could be several reasons why someone might engage in gaslighting behavior:
Power and Control: Gaslighters use these tactics to gain power and control over their partners. By making their partners doubt themselves, they become more vulnerable and easier to manipulate.
Avoiding Responsibility: When the gaslighter provokes or antagonizes their partner, they may use the tactic of blaming the partner to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions or behavior.
Manipulation: Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation. By making their partner feel guilty or responsible for the gaslighter's actions, the gaslighter can maintain control over the relationship.
Insecurity and Projection: Gaslighters may have their own insecurities and issues, which they project onto their partners. They may be uncomfortable facing their own flaws and instead focus on blaming their partners.
Isolating the Victim: Gaslighters may use these tactics to isolate their partners from friends, family, or support systems, making the victim more dependent on the gaslighter and less likely to seek help or leave the toxic relationship.
It's essential to recognize gaslighting behavior in a relationship and take steps to protect yourself from its harmful effects. If you believe you are experiencing gaslighting in your relationship, consider seeking support from a therapist, counselor, or support group. A mental health professional can help you understand the dynamics at play and provide guidance on setting boundaries, improving self-esteem, and determining the best course of action for your well-being. Remember, no one deserves to be manipulated or emotionally abused in a relationship.