It's not uncommon to experience nervousness or discomfort when looking at a photo of a TV character that your fictive alter (also known as a fictive) is based on. This reaction could be due to a few different factors:
Personal Attachment: Fictives are characters who are deeply ingrained in your psyche and identity. They might represent certain aspects of yourself, or you may have a strong emotional connection to them. When you see a photo of the character they are based on, it can trigger emotions related to your personal connection with the fictive.
Identity and Self-Perception: Seeing a visual representation of the character might remind you of the fictive's presence within your own sense of self. This could create feelings of vulnerability or self-consciousness as you confront the fictional part of your identity.
Psychological Projection: Sometimes, individuals project their own feelings, thoughts, and experiences onto fictional characters. If the character you're looking at has gone through challenging or distressing situations, it might evoke empathetic emotions in you, adding to your nervousness.
Perceived Judgment: You might be concerned about how others view your connection to the fictive or worry about being judged for having a strong attachment to a fictional character. This fear of judgment can trigger anxiety when confronted with reminders of the character's origins.
Uncertainty or Dissociation: Fictives are unique to individuals with multiplicity or plurality (formerly known as Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID). This condition involves a complex set of experiences, and it's common to feel uncertain or dissociated from certain aspects of oneself, including fictives.
If you find yourself struggling with these feelings, it might be helpful to explore them with a mental health professional who has experience in working with individuals with multiplicity or plurality. They can provide a safe space for you to discuss your experiences and offer support in understanding and managing your emotions. Remember that it's okay to have a strong connection to fictional characters, and seeking professional help can aid in better understanding yourself and your feelings.