It's important to remember that discussing personal and intimate matters with strangers online can be risky and potentially harmful. If you're feeling out of control and scared about this behavior, seeking help from a mental health professional is essential.
Dissociation is a psychological defense mechanism that involves disconnecting from thoughts, feelings, memories, or aspects of your identity as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions or traumatic experiences. It can lead to a sense of feeling disconnected from yourself and your actions. In some cases, dissociation can make a person engage in behaviors they wouldn't otherwise do when they are in a more integrated and conscious state of mind.
There are several reasons why someone might dissociate and engage in risky online behaviors:
Trauma and Coping: Past traumatic experiences, especially related to relationships or intimacy, can lead to dissociative episodes. Engaging in risky online behaviors might be a way to cope with or reenact past trauma unconsciously.
Seeking Connection: Dissociation can sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness or a desire for connection with others. Seeking validation or emotional connection online might be an attempt to fill this emotional void.
Anonymity and Escapism: The anonymity of the internet can lead to a sense of detachment from consequences, making it easier to engage in risky behaviors as you feel less accountable for your actions.
Avoidance and Emotional Numbing: Dissociation can serve as a way to avoid uncomfortable emotions or numbness, making it easier to engage in behaviors that would otherwise trigger emotional distress.
Alters or Parts: In cases of dissociative disorders like DID, different alters or parts of the personality may have different online behaviors and interactions, leading to confusion and lack of control over online actions.
If you're experiencing these issues, it's crucial to reach out to a mental health professional who can help you explore the underlying reasons for your dissociation and provide guidance and support. Therapy can be beneficial in helping you develop healthier coping mechanisms, addressing past trauma, and regaining a sense of control over your actions.
In the meantime, consider taking steps to protect yourself online, such as avoiding sharing intimate pictures/videos with strangers, setting boundaries in online interactions, and seeking support from trusted friends or family members. Remember that you deserve to feel safe and in control of your actions, and seeking professional help is an important step toward achieving that.