The experience you described, where you constantly question the reality of your memories and seek physical evidence to believe them, could be related to a phenomenon known as memory distrust syndrome or memory doubt. It is not necessarily a form of dissociation, but it might be related to certain cognitive or psychological processes.
Memory distrust syndrome involves an individual doubting the accuracy of their memories and may result in a lack of confidence in one's own recollections. People with this syndrome often believe that their memories are prone to distortion or that they are more susceptible to false memories. As a result, they may rely heavily on external evidence to confirm or validate their memories.
While memory doubt is not the same as dissociation, it can sometimes be associated with other cognitive or emotional difficulties. For instance, individuals who have experienced traumatic events might be more prone to memory doubt due to the way trauma can impact memory processes.
It's essential to recognize that memory is not infallible, and various factors can influence the accuracy of our recollections, including stress, emotions, and the passage of time. Seeking some level of corroboration for significant events or decisions can be reasonable, as long as it doesn't lead to excessive distress or interfere significantly with your daily life.
If you find that memory doubt is causing significant distress or impairing your functioning, it may be helpful to discuss your concerns with a qualified mental health professional. They can provide a more accurate assessment and offer appropriate guidance or support based on your specific circumstances. They might help you explore underlying factors contributing to memory doubt and develop coping strategies to manage any related challenges.