It's essential to prioritize your safety and well-being, especially when dealing with complex mental health conditions like structural dissociation and PTSD. While I can't make specific recommendations for your situation, here are some general suggestions:
Communicate with your treatment team: Let the healthcare professionals in the hospital know about the internal conflict you're experiencing. They are there to support you and can help you navigate through these difficult emotions.
Safety first: If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsafe, it's crucial to stay in a secure environment. Leaving the hospital against medical advice may not be in your best interest, especially if you're currently receiving treatment for your conditions.
Internal communication: Try to find a way to communicate with the traumatized part that wants you to leave. Acknowledge its feelings and fears. You can do this through journaling, talking to a trusted healthcare professional, or even having an internal dialogue in your mind.
Grounding techniques: Practice grounding exercises to help manage dissociation and anxiety. These can include deep breathing, focusing on your senses, or using grounding objects to stay connected to the present moment.
Distraction and self-soothing: Engage in activities that can help distract your mind from distressing thoughts. Listening to music, engaging in creative pursuits, or spending time with supportive people can be beneficial.
Patience and self-compassion: Healing from trauma and managing dissociation can be a long and challenging journey. Be patient with yourself and show yourself compassion during this process.
Remember, it's essential to consult with your treatment team, as they can offer personalized advice based on your specific circumstances. They are trained to help you navigate these difficult feelings and provide the support you need. If you ever feel like you're in immediate danger or crisis, don't hesitate to reach out for help by calling emergency services or a crisis hotline.