It's not uncommon to experience conflicting emotions or thoughts about your feelings for someone, especially in matters of love. The situation you described can be confusing, but it's essential to understand that emotions can be complex and sometimes contradictory.
There could be several reasons why you might feel this way:
Fear of vulnerability: Love can make us feel exposed and vulnerable. You might have reservations about fully accepting your feelings because of the fear of getting hurt or being rejected.
Past experiences: Previous experiences in relationships or personal life can influence your current emotions. If you've had negative experiences in the past, it might be affecting your perception of your current relationship.
Uncertainty: Doubting your feelings is a natural part of any significant emotional connection. You may be questioning whether your feelings are strong enough or if they will last.
Misinterpreting emotions: Sometimes, intense feelings like anxiety or stress can mask underlying emotions like love. This can lead to confusion about what you truly feel.
Emotional independence: If you are someone who values their independence, feelings of love might be perceived as a threat to your sense of self.
To gain clarity about your emotions, consider the following steps:
Self-reflection: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and try to identify any underlying concerns or fears that might be causing the conflict in your mind.
Open communication: Talk to your boyfriend about your emotions. Honest and open communication is essential in any relationship. Sharing your feelings can help both of you understand the dynamics of your relationship better.
Give it time: Emotions can be fluid and change over time. Allow yourself the space and time to process your feelings without rushing to any conclusions.
Seek professional support: If you find it challenging to resolve these feelings on your own, consider talking to a therapist or counselor. They can provide valuable insights and guidance.
Remember that love is not always a straightforward, linear process. It can be a journey filled with ups and downs, doubts, and moments of certainty. Be patient with yourself and your emotions as you navigate this complex aspect of your life.