What you describe raises some red flags about your relationship, particularly in terms of respect and trust:
Respect: Bad-mouthing a partner behind their back demonstrates a lack of respect. It's healthy to vent or seek advice in times of conflict, but consistently portraying you in a negative light, especially if it's exaggerated or untrue, shows a disregard for your reputation and feelings.
Trust: Trust is one of the most crucial foundations in a relationship. If your partner is regularly discussing your disputes with others without your knowledge or consent, it's likely to erode your trust in him.
Communication: A healthy relationship should encourage open, honest communication. If your partner is upset about something, the most productive way to address it is by discussing it with you, not other people.
Accountability: In any dispute, it's essential to take responsibility for one's part in the issue. By only telling his side of the story, your partner is avoiding accountability for his actions or behavior.
It's important to bring this up with your partner in a non-confrontational manner. Be honest about your feelings and the impact of his actions on you. If he dismisses your concerns or refuses to change his behavior, it might be worth reconsidering the relationship. Healthy relationships should be built on mutual respect, trust, communication, and accountability.
Remember, it's always good to seek advice from a professional, like a counselor or therapist, who can provide guidance tailored to your situation.