I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult situation. It's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused right now. While I can't know your boyfriend's specific motivations, I can offer some general insights that might help you make sense of the situation.
Emotional Complexity: People's emotions can be complex and contradictory. It's possible for someone to say they love one person while still being involved with someone else. However, this doesn't justify the hurtful behavior.
Fear of Loss: Your boyfriend might genuinely care for you and fear losing you, which is why he tells you he loves you. But at the same time, he might have some unresolved feelings or attachments to the other woman, leading him to maintain contact.
Lack of Commitment: If your boyfriend is cheating and not fully committing to you emotionally or sexually, it could be a sign that he is not fully invested in the relationship.
Emotional Affair: Sometimes, people engage in emotional affairs where they become deeply attached to someone outside their relationship. This could be the reason he continues seeing the other woman, even if he claims not to love her in the same way he loves you.
Avoiding Confrontation: Some individuals find it difficult to address relationship issues directly and may resort to avoidance or infidelity instead of confronting the problems.
Low Libido or Personal Issues: His lack of initiation for intimacy could be due to personal issues such as stress, anxiety, or a low libido. It's essential to communicate openly about this aspect of your relationship to understand each other's needs and concerns better.
Regardless of his reasons, cheating and not being emotionally available or sexually intimate are not acceptable behaviors in a committed relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your well-being and happiness.
If you want to work through these issues, consider having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings, concerns, and boundaries. Seek couples counseling or therapy to address the underlying problems and decide whether the relationship is worth repairing or if it's time to move on.
Remember, you deserve a partner who respects and values you, and who is willing to communicate and work through difficulties together. Take care of yourself and prioritize your emotional health during this challenging time.