I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing this situation with your boyfriend. Stonewalling can be a frustrating and hurtful behavior in a relationship. Here are some steps you can take to address the issue:
Give him space: If he's stonewalling, it might be because he needs some time alone to process his emotions. Respect his need for space and avoid pushing him to talk immediately. However, if he consistently uses stonewalling as a way to avoid resolving conflicts, it's essential to address this pattern.
Communicate calmly: When both of you are ready to talk, approach the conversation calmly and assertively. Avoid aggressive or accusatory language, as it may lead to defensive behavior. Use "I" statements to express how you feel about the situation.
Express your feelings: Let him know how his stonewalling affects you and your relationship. Be honest about how it makes you feel, such as hurt, ignored, or frustrated.
Be understanding: Try to understand his perspective and feelings without judgment. There might be reasons behind his behavior that you are not aware of.
Seek professional help: If the stonewalling continues or if it's a recurring issue, consider seeking the help of a couples therapist or counselor. A neutral third party can help facilitate communication and provide tools for resolving conflicts.
Set boundaries: It's important to establish healthy boundaries in a relationship. Let him know that while you understand his need for space, stonewalling is not an effective way to address problems. Establish clear boundaries for how you both will communicate and handle conflicts in the future.
Consider self-care: While you're working through this issue, take care of yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy, spend time with supportive friends and family, and consider speaking with a therapist or counselor individually if you feel overwhelmed.
Evaluate the relationship: If stonewalling becomes a pattern and communication problems persist despite your efforts to address them, you might need to consider whether this relationship is healthy and fulfilling for both of you.
Remember that healthy communication is the foundation of a strong relationship. If you both are willing to work on the issues and improve communication, there is hope for positive change. However, if your boyfriend is unwilling to address the stonewalling and communication problems, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship's compatibility and long-term potential.