Discovering that both you and your boyfriend have been lying to each other about your past can be a difficult and challenging situation. Here are some steps to consider moving forward:
Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to reflect on your feelings about the situation. How do you feel about your boyfriend lying? Are you hurt, angry, or confused? Understanding your emotions can help you approach the situation more effectively.
Open Communication: Initiate an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend. Find a calm and private space where you can talk without distractions. Be prepared to listen to each other without judgment.
Share Your Truth: Confess the lies you told your boyfriend about your past. Take responsibility for your actions and explain why you lied. Be honest about your motivations and feelings at the time.
Address His Lies: Express your feelings about his lies and how they affected you. Encourage him to share his truth about why he lied and what motivated him to do so.
Seek Understanding: Try to understand the reasons behind both of your lies. Sometimes people lie out of fear, shame, or a desire to protect themselves or their partners. Understanding the motivations can help both of you move forward.
Evaluate the Relationship: Take a step back and assess the overall health of your relationship. Consider whether the lies have caused irreparable damage to trust and whether the relationship is worth salvaging.
Seek Professional Help: If the lies and their consequences are too overwhelming to handle alone, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor. A professional can help facilitate communication and provide guidance on rebuilding trust.
Set Boundaries: If you decide to work on the relationship, set clear boundaries and expectations moving forward. Agree on the importance of honesty and open communication.
Time and Patience: Rebuilding trust takes time and patience. Both of you will need to demonstrate consistent honesty and transparency over time to rebuild trust.
Forgive Yourself and Your Partner: Forgiveness is an essential part of moving forward. Learn from the experience and work on forgiving yourself for your lies and your partner for his. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting but rather letting go of the pain and resentment.
Remember that every relationship is unique, and the decision on how to proceed is ultimately up to you and your boyfriend. If both of you are willing to confront the truth, communicate openly, and work towards rebuilding trust, there is a chance for growth and healing. However, if the lies have caused irreparable damage or if the relationship is toxic, it may be best to consider parting ways for the sake of your emotional well-being.