It is not uncommon for some individuals to have complex feelings towards their abusers, and it's entirely normal if you find it challenging to hate your abuser. People's emotional responses to abusive situations can vary significantly, and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel.
There are several reasons why someone might have difficulty hating their abuser:
Trauma Bonding: In abusive relationships, there can be a phenomenon known as "trauma bonding," where the victim forms a strong emotional attachment to the abuser. This bond can create conflicting feelings, making it hard to hate the person who has also provided moments of positive reinforcement or affection.
Self-Blame and Guilt: Victims of abuse often experience feelings of guilt and self-blame, believing they may have somehow caused or contributed to the abuse. These emotions can make it difficult to direct anger solely towards the abuser.
Fear and Intimidation: Abusers often use fear and intimidation to maintain control over their victims. This fear can prevent the victim from expressing hatred openly, as they might be afraid of potential consequences.
Empathy and Compassion: Some individuals are naturally empathetic and may have the capacity to understand their abuser's underlying issues or traumatic past, which can create conflicting emotions.
Dependency: If the victim is financially or emotionally dependent on the abuser, they may feel trapped and unable to express hatred openly.
Emotional Confusion: The emotional manipulation and gaslighting that often occur in abusive relationships can lead to emotional confusion, making it difficult for the victim to sort out their feelings.
It's essential to remember that your feelings are valid and that healing from abuse can be a complex and individual process. If you find it challenging to cope with your emotions or to navigate your feelings towards your abuser, seeking support from a therapist or counselor experienced in trauma and abuse can be beneficial. They can provide guidance, help you process your emotions, and assist you in establishing healthy boundaries and coping mechanisms. Remember that healing is possible, and you do not have to go through this process alone.