Abusive individuals often exhibit a pattern of behavior known as "abusive cycles" or "cycle of violence." This cycle typically consists of three phases: the tension-building phase, the explosion or abusive phase, and the honeymoon or remorseful phase. The behavior you described, where an abusive person acts nice around others but becomes abusive when alone, can be part of this cycle. Here's an overview of each phase:
Tension-Building Phase: During this phase, there is a gradual increase in tension and stress within the relationship. The abuser may become irritable, critical, or controlling. Small arguments and conflicts may escalate, and the victim often feels like they are walking on eggshells, trying to avoid triggering the abuser's anger.
Explosion or Abusive Phase: In this phase, the tension reaches its peak, and an abusive incident occurs. This can involve verbal, emotional, physical, or even sexual abuse. The abusive behavior is often fueled by a sense of power and control over the victim.
Honeymoon or Remorseful Phase: Following the abusive incident, the abuser may feel guilty, regretful, or fear the consequences of their actions. They may try to "make up" for their behavior by being affectionate, apologizing, or promising that it won't happen again. During this phase, they might appear loving and caring, making it difficult for the victim to leave the relationship.
This cycle can create a confusing and manipulative environment for the victim. The abuser's ability to act nice around others may be driven by a desire to maintain a positive public image and avoid detection or consequences for their abusive actions. They may also want to ensure that others view them favorably and are more likely to believe their version of events if the victim discloses the abuse.
Additionally, some abusive individuals may have personality traits that allow them to switch between charming and abusive behaviors as a way to manipulate and control their victims. They might use charm and kindness as a means to gain trust, emotional dependence, or loyalty from the victim, making it more challenging for the victim to break free from the abusive relationship.
It's essential to understand that abusive behavior is never justified and is the responsibility of the abuser alone. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, it's crucial to seek help and support from friends, family, or professional resources such as domestic violence hotlines or counseling services. Remember, no one deserves to be treated abusively, and there is help available.