It sounds like you are in a challenging and potentially unhealthy situation. Communication is a crucial aspect of any healthy relationship, and resorting to ignoring each other or using hurtful words to provoke a reaction is not a constructive or respectful way to handle conflicts. Here are some steps you can consider taking:
Address the Issue: When both of you are calm and not in the middle of an argument, try to have an open and honest conversation about the issue. Express your feelings and concerns about how he handles anger and how it makes you feel when he says hurtful things. Encourage him to share his feelings as well.
Set Boundaries: Make it clear that using hurtful language is not acceptable in your relationship. Establish boundaries for respectful communication, even during disagreements. Boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy and safe relationship.
Take Time-Outs: If either of you feels overwhelmed during an argument, suggest taking a short break to cool off before continuing the discussion. This break can give both of you time to collect your thoughts and emotions, leading to a more productive conversation.
Seek Relationship Counseling: If the communication issues persist or escalate, consider seeking the help of a relationship counselor or therapist. A professional can assist both of you in improving your communication skills and understanding each other better.
Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and needs in the relationship. Consider whether the dynamic between you and your boyfriend is healthy and whether his behavior aligns with your values and expectations for a partner.
Consider Your Well-being: If the relationship consistently brings you distress, anxiety, or unhappiness, it may be worth evaluating whether it is a healthy and sustainable partnership for you.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a support group about your experiences. Sharing your feelings with others can provide valuable perspectives and emotional support.
Remember, a healthy relationship involves respect, open communication, and the willingness to work through conflicts together. If your boyfriend is unwilling to change his behavior or does not respect your boundaries, it may be essential to prioritize your well-being and consider whether the relationship is right for you.