The feeling you described can be quite complex and may vary from person to person. It could be a mix of emotions, including:
Emptiness: You might feel like something is missing, and even though you are physically with your friends, you can't emotionally connect or experience the joy that you used to feel in their company.
Guilt: There could be a sense of guilt for not being able to fully engage and participate in the activities or conversations with your friends, especially if they notice your change in mood.
Frustration: You might feel frustrated with yourself for not being able to shake off the depression and enjoy the time with your friends like you used to.
Isolation: Despite being surrounded by friends, you might feel isolated and disconnected due to the depression that hinders your ability to engage with them.
Longing for the past: You could find yourself reminiscing about the times when you were able to experience genuine joy with your friends, and the longing for those feelings may exacerbate the current sense of emptiness.
Overwhelm: Being in social situations while struggling with depression can be overwhelming, as you may feel the pressure to act "normal" or to hide what you're going through.
Desperation: You might desperately want to feel the joy and connection again, but it feels out of reach, which can lead to further distress.
It's important to remember that depression can significantly impact your ability to experience pleasure and enjoy social interactions. If you find yourself in this situation, it's essential to reach out for support. Talk to someone you trust, such as a friend, family member, or mental health professional, about what you're going through. They can provide understanding, empathy, and help you explore ways to cope with depression and gradually find joy in social interactions again. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and you don't have to go through this alone.