Dealing with someone who has C-PTSD can be challenging, especially when they engage in a push-pull cycle and gaslighting behaviors. It's essential to approach this situation with empathy, understanding, and boundaries. Here are some steps you can consider taking to try and end the push-pull cycle while still supporting your friend:
Educate yourself about C-PTSD: Understanding the nature of C-PTSD can help you be more compassionate and patient with your friend's behavior. It's important to recognize that their actions are often a result of past trauma and not a reflection of your worth or the value of your friendship.
Set healthy boundaries: Boundaries are crucial when dealing with someone who has C-PTSD and engages in problematic behaviors. Make it clear what behavior is acceptable to you and what is not. Let your friend know that gaslighting or pushing you away is not okay and that you won't tolerate it.
Encourage professional help: Suggest that your friend seek therapy or counseling to address their C-PTSD and learn healthier coping mechanisms. Therapy can provide a safe space for them to work through their trauma and understand how it impacts their relationships.
Be consistent and reliable: People with C-PTSD often struggle with trust, so being a consistent and reliable presence in your friend's life can be helpful. However, ensure that you're not enabling their negative behavior or being emotionally drained by the relationship.
Practice active listening and empathy: Be there to listen and validate your friend's feelings and experiences. Avoid judgment and try to understand their perspective, even when their behavior is challenging.
Express your concerns calmly: If your friend's behavior is negatively affecting your relationship, express your concerns calmly and non-confrontationally. Use "I" statements to talk about your feelings and experiences rather than blaming or accusing.
Avoid being an enabler: While it's essential to be supportive, avoid enabling destructive behavior. Encourage them to take responsibility for their actions and seek help when needed.
Take care of yourself: Supporting someone with C-PTSD can be emotionally draining, so make sure you take care of your own well-being. Seek support from other friends, family, or a therapist if necessary.
Be patient: Recovery from C-PTSD takes time and effort. Be patient with your friend's progress, setbacks, and healing journey.
Consider seeking support together: If your friend is open to it, attending support groups together or seeking guidance from a mental health professional who specializes in trauma and relationships might be beneficial.
Remember that while you want to be supportive, you cannot control your friend's actions or healing process. If the relationship becomes consistently unhealthy or harmful to you, it may be necessary to reevaluate the level of involvement you have. In some cases, it might be appropriate to distance yourself for your well-being.