Forgiving a parent for their unresolved traumas and the impact it had on you and your siblings can be a challenging and complex process. However, forgiveness can be a powerful and healing step for your own well-being and growth. Here are some steps you can consider taking to work towards forgiveness:
Understand the impact: Begin by acknowledging and understanding the impact of your mother's unresolved traumas on your upbringing. Recognize the emotions you have experienced as a result and how it has affected your relationships and life.
Validate your feelings: It's essential to acknowledge and validate your feelings of hurt, anger, or disappointment. It's natural to have a range of emotions, and it's okay to feel them without judgment.
Empathize with your mother: Try to put yourself in your mother's shoes and understand that she, too, might have been affected by her own traumas and challenges. This doesn't excuse her actions, but it can provide some context to her behavior.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your feelings. Having someone to confide in can provide emotional support and help you gain perspective.
Set boundaries: If your mother's unresolved traumas continue to impact your current relationship negatively, consider setting healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself during this process. Forgiveness doesn't happen overnight, and it's okay to take your time to work through your emotions.
Practice forgiveness exercises: Forgiveness is a choice, and you can work on it actively. Try forgiveness exercises or journaling to help process your feelings and emotions.
Consider therapy: If you find forgiveness especially challenging, consider seeking therapy or counseling. A professional can guide you through the process and offer valuable insights.
Focus on your healing: While forgiving your mother is essential, remember that healing yourself and breaking any cycles of trauma are equally important. Invest in your well-being and personal growth.
Be open to change: As you go through this process, be open to the possibility that your relationship with your mother may change. It may improve, or you might find it necessary to maintain some emotional distance.
Remember that forgiveness is a personal journey, and it's okay if it takes time. It doesn't mean you have to forget or condone past actions, but it can help release the hold those traumas have on your present and future. By seeking support and working towards forgiveness, you can create space for healing and growth in your own life.