It's important to remember that individual experiences and reactions can vary, and it's always best to discuss your specific concerns with your therapist to gain a deeper understanding.
Hyperarousal and Hypervigilance: Individuals who have experienced attachment and complex trauma might be hyperaroused and hypervigilant, which means they are constantly on high alert for potential threats. Making eye contact can feel intense and overwhelming, leading to a defensive response of hiding or looking away to reduce feelings of vulnerability.
Fear of Judgment and Rejection: People with attachment and complex trauma might carry deep-seated fears of judgment or rejection due to past negative experiences. Eye contact can be perceived as a form of scrutiny, making them feel exposed and potentially rejected, prompting a protective response of hiding.
Dissociation and Emotional Numbing: Trauma can lead to dissociation, where a person disconnects from their emotions and bodily sensations as a coping mechanism. Eye contact can trigger uncomfortable emotions or sensations, leading to a dissociative response where they withdraw and hide to avoid confronting those feelings.
Shame and Self-Worth Issues: Trauma can deeply impact one's sense of self-worth, leading to feelings of shame and inadequacy. Making eye contact may be perceived as an invitation for self-criticism, causing them to shield themselves from this perceived judgment.
Nonverbal Communication Difficulties: For some individuals, making eye contact can be challenging due to social anxiety or difficulties in reading nonverbal cues. The discomfort might not be directly related to trauma but can still affect their ability to maintain eye contact during therapy.
Attachment Style and Trust: Individuals with attachment trauma may struggle with forming and maintaining secure attachments. Making eye contact can trigger underlying attachment-related fears and insecurities, leading them to avoid eye contact as a way to manage those emotions.
It's important to recognize that your reaction is a coping mechanism that likely served a protective purpose at some point in your life. The therapeutic process is designed to provide a safe and supportive environment to explore and work through these reactions. Over time, with the help of your therapist, you may feel more comfortable and find ways to address and cope with these challenges, leading to healing and personal growth. Openly discussing your feelings and reactions with your therapist will be an essential step in understanding and addressing the underlying issues.