Seeking out triggers or engaging in behaviors that may retraumatize oneself is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon commonly seen in some individuals with (C)PTSD. While it might seem counterintuitive or self-destructive, there are several reasons why people might engage in self-triggering behaviors:
Reenactment and Repetition: Some individuals unconsciously seek out situations similar to their past traumas as a way to reenact or gain a sense of control over the traumatic event. This can stem from a need to make sense of the trauma or try to change the outcome of the original experience.
Validation of Experience: Some trauma survivors may intentionally expose themselves to triggers to validate and reinforce the reality of their trauma. This can be a way to overcome feelings of self-doubt or minimize the impact of gaslighting or invalidation they may have experienced.
Emotional Numbing: Trauma survivors often experience emotional numbing as a way to cope with overwhelming feelings. Seeking out triggers might be an attempt to feel something, even if it is painful or uncomfortable, as it may be preferable to feeling numb.
Sense of Familiarity: Trauma survivors might seek out triggers because, unfortunately, trauma has become a familiar and normalized state for them. In such cases, the unknown can feel more frightening than what they already know.
Self-Punishment: Some individuals may engage in self-triggering as a form of self-punishment, believing they deserve to suffer or that they are unworthy of healing.
Avoidance of Triggers' Unpredictability: By deliberately triggering themselves, individuals may feel more in control of the situation compared to unexpected triggers they may encounter in daily life.
Coping Mechanism: Paradoxically, triggering oneself might be seen as a coping mechanism to temporarily alleviate distress. The familiar pain may be perceived as more manageable than other overwhelming emotions.
Yes, this phenomenon is relatively common in trauma therapy. When it arises in therapy, it can provide valuable insights into the client's inner experiences, coping strategies, and unresolved trauma. Therapists can use this information to help clients explore the underlying reasons behind their self-triggering behaviors and work toward more adaptive coping strategies.
Therapists often employ a client-centered and non-judgmental approach to understand the motivations behind self-triggering. They may also focus on teaching healthier coping mechanisms, emotional regulation techniques, and processing the trauma at a pace that feels safe for the client.
If you or someone you know is engaging in self-triggering behaviors, it's essential to seek support from a mental health professional. They can help navigate the complexities of (C)PTSD and develop a comprehensive treatment plan that addresses individual needs and promotes healing.