Question

Do I bother telling ex exactly why I broke up with him? He has abusive behaviors sometimes, and is like another person when he is angry, in addition to being dismissive, cold, and combative at those times. Or do I just move on and forget about it?

Answer 1

Deciding whether to tell your ex exactly why you broke up with him is a personal choice, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. It depends on several factors, including your own emotional well-being, the potential impact on your ex, and whether you believe it will lead to any positive changes or closure.

Here are some considerations to keep in mind:

1. Prioritize Your Safety and Well-being: If your ex has displayed abusive behaviors in the past, it's crucial to prioritize your safety and emotional well-being. If there's a risk that communicating with him about the reasons for the breakup could escalate into a harmful or dangerous situation, it's best to prioritize your safety and move on without directly engaging with him.

2. Closure for Yourself: Sometimes, explaining the reasons for the breakup can provide a sense of closure and help you process your emotions. If you feel that expressing your feelings and thoughts could help you find closure and move on, you might consider writing a letter or having a conversation with your ex.

3. Unlikely to Change: If your ex has a history of being dismissive, cold, combative, and displaying abusive behaviors, it's essential to acknowledge that it is unlikely that you telling him the reasons for the breakup will lead to significant positive changes in his behavior. Abusive patterns are deeply ingrained and often require professional help to address, which is something he must take responsibility for himself.

4. Seek Support: Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist during this challenging time. They can provide guidance and a safe space to express your feelings and thoughts.

5. No Obligation: Remember that you are not obligated to explain yourself to your ex. If you decide that it's best for your own well-being to move on without engaging with him further, that's entirely valid.

Ultimately, the decision is yours to make, and it's essential to do what feels right for you. If you choose to communicate with your ex, consider doing it in a way that prioritizes your safety and emotional health, and be prepared for the possibility that he may not respond in a constructive manner. If you decide not to communicate, focus on healing and moving forward with your life in a positive and healthy direction.