Yes, what you are describing is not uncommon for people with childhood trauma, especially those with conditions like complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) or other trauma-related issues. Individuals who have experienced childhood trauma can develop certain patterns of thinking and emotional responses that influence their perceptions of empathy and support from others, including therapists. Here are some reasons why this may happen:
Hypervigilance and Misinterpretation: People with a history of childhood trauma often develop hypervigilance as a coping mechanism. This heightened state of alertness can lead to misinterpreting others' intentions and emotions, including those of their therapist. They might perceive empathy as condescension or judgment, even when the therapist has genuine concern and understanding.
Trust Issues: Childhood trauma can lead to significant trust issues in relationships. Individuals may struggle to trust others, including their therapist, due to past experiences of betrayal or being let down by people they relied on for support.
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Doubt: Childhood trauma can erode self-esteem and lead to feelings of inadequacy. As a result, individuals may doubt the validity of their experiences and emotions, feeling that they are not worthy of empathy or that they are a burden to others.
Emotional Flashbacks: Emotional flashbacks are a common symptom of CPTSD, where past emotions and experiences overwhelm the person in the present moment. During these flashbacks, the person may feel as though they are reliving the past and projecting past dynamics onto their current relationships, including their therapeutic relationship.
Coping with Vulnerability: Sharing one's experiences and emotions, especially traumatic ones, can make individuals with childhood trauma feel vulnerable and exposed. This vulnerability can trigger feelings of shame or discomfort, making them question their decision to share with their therapist.
Transference and Projection: Transference is a psychological phenomenon where a person's feelings and experiences from past relationships are transferred onto someone in the present, such as their therapist. Projection, on the other hand, involves attributing one's own feelings or thoughts to others. Both transference and projection can impact how someone perceives their therapist's empathy and intentions.
It's important to discuss these feelings and perceptions with your therapist. A skilled therapist will be aware of the potential for such reactions in individuals with childhood trauma and can help you explore and understand these patterns in the therapeutic relationship. By addressing these issues openly with your therapist, you can work together to build trust and create a safe space for processing and healing from past trauma.