Yes, what you're describing is not uncommon, especially for individuals who have experienced complex trauma and attachment issues. It's essential to recognize that therapy is a unique and complex relationship between the therapist and the client, and various dynamics can come into play.
The desire to please your therapist or make them satisfied can stem from different factors, including:
Attachment Patterns: If you have experienced insecure attachment in your past, you might have developed a strong need for approval and validation from others, including your therapist. Seeking validation and approval can be a way to cope with feelings of worthlessness or insecurity.
Transference: In therapy, transference occurs when feelings and emotions from past relationships are unconsciously transferred onto the therapist. You might see the therapist as a parental figure or someone whose approval you desperately seek, just as you did in childhood.
Fear of Abandonment: Individuals with complex trauma and attachment issues may have a fear of abandonment. Making your therapist happy might be a way to prevent the therapist from leaving or withdrawing their support.
External Validation: Some people find it challenging to validate themselves internally, so they seek external validation from others, including their therapist.
While it's natural to want to please your therapist, it's crucial to work towards healing and personal growth for your well-being and not solely for the therapist's satisfaction. Here are some steps you can take to address this issue in therapy:
Talk Openly with Your Therapist: Share your feelings and concerns with your therapist about your motivations and fears related to therapy. Open communication can help both of you gain a deeper understanding of your therapeutic relationship.
Explore the Underlying Reasons: Work with your therapist to explore the underlying reasons for seeking approval and validation. Understanding the root causes can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Focus on Self-Validation: Practice recognizing and validating your own feelings and experiences. Building self-compassion and self-acceptance can be an essential part of the healing process.
Address Attachment Patterns: Explore how your attachment style influences your relationships, including the one with your therapist. Understanding attachment dynamics can help in forming a healthier therapeutic bond.
Set Personal Goals: Collaborate with your therapist to set realistic and meaningful goals for your therapy. Focus on what you want to achieve for your growth and well-being, rather than solely to please your therapist.
Be Patient with Yourself: Healing from complex trauma and attachment issues can be a challenging and gradual process. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to progress at your own pace.
Remember that therapy is ultimately about your growth, healing, and well-being. Your therapist is there to support you on your journey, but the focus should be on your needs and self-discovery rather than meeting external expectations.