+25 votes
in Abusive Relationships by (7.4k points)
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+18 votes
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I'm truly sorry to hear that you're dealing with such a distressing and dangerous situation. It's understandable that you may have mixed emotions, including a desire for closure or an apology, but engaging with an abusive ex can be extremely risky and potentially harmful. Your safety is the top priority, so I strongly advise against responding to his messages or trying to seek an apology directly. Instead, consider the following steps:

  1. Maintain No Contact: Continue to ignore his messages and avoid any communication with him. Responding may only escalate the situation or give him an opportunity to manipulate or harm you further.

  2. Document the Messages: Keep a record of all the messages and any other forms of contact he attempts. This documentation may be useful if you need to involve law enforcement or seek a restraining order.

  3. Inform Someone You Trust: Share the situation with a close friend, family member, or coworker so they know what you're going through and can support you. They may also be able to help you stay strong in maintaining no contact.

  4. Contact the Authorities: If he has threatened your life or you feel genuinely concerned for your safety, report the threats to the police immediately. They can provide guidance and take appropriate action to protect you.

  5. Seek Professional Help: Reach out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in domestic violence and trauma. They can provide you with guidance, emotional support, and help you process your feelings about the situation.

  6. Consider a Restraining Order: Consult with a legal professional or contact your local authorities to explore the possibility of obtaining a restraining order to protect yourself legally.

  7. Focus on Self-Care: Take care of yourself and prioritize your well-being during this challenging time. Engage in activities that bring you joy, and surround yourself with positive and supportive people.

Remember that an abusive ex-partner may try various tactics to regain control or manipulate you emotionally. Your safety and mental well-being are paramount, and seeking an apology from him directly may not lead to the resolution you desire. Instead, focus on healing, staying safe, and seeking support from those who genuinely care about your well-being.

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