Feeling like you're going through withdrawals after leaving an abusive narcissist is a common experience for many individuals who have been in such relationships. This phenomenon is often referred to as "Narcissistic Abuse Withdrawal" or "Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome." It occurs due to the unique dynamics of narcissistic abuse and the psychological hold the abuser can have on their victims. Here are some reasons why you might experience this withdrawal:
Trauma Bonding: Narcissists can create a powerful trauma bond with their victims. This bond is a mix of positive and negative reinforcement that keeps the victim emotionally attached to the abuser. When you leave the abusive relationship, the sudden absence of this bond can lead to feelings of loss, confusion, and a longing for the connection you had, even though it was unhealthy.
Addiction-Like Cycle: The abuse and intermittent love-bombing behavior of a narcissist create an addictive cycle. The intermittent rewards and punishments can cause your brain to release chemicals similar to those associated with addiction. When you leave, your brain might crave the "highs" from the love-bombing phases, leading to withdrawal-like symptoms.
Gaslighting and Self-Doubt: Narcissists often use gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional invalidation to make their victims doubt their perceptions and reality. When you leave, you may still doubt yourself and question whether the abuse was as bad as you remember, leading to confusion and emotional turmoil.
Isolation and Dependency: Narcissists tend to isolate their victims and create a sense of dependency. After leaving, you might feel isolated and struggle with newfound independence, which can be emotionally challenging.
Fear of Repercussions: Leaving an abusive narcissist can also trigger fear and anxiety about potential retaliation or "hoovering" attempts (when the abuser tries to lure you back). This fear can keep you on edge and contribute to withdrawal-like symptoms.
Emotional Rollercoaster: During the relationship, you might have experienced intense emotional highs and lows. After leaving, the sudden lack of emotional intensity can lead to feelings of emptiness and withdrawal.
Guilt and Self-Blame: Victims of narcissistic abuse often feel guilt and self-blame, even after leaving the relationship. This self-blame can intensify feelings of withdrawal.
It's crucial to remember that these feelings are normal responses to the trauma of being in an abusive relationship. It takes time to heal from narcissistic abuse, and seeking professional support, such as therapy or counseling, can be immensely helpful in processing the experience, rebuilding self-esteem, and learning healthy coping strategies. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of friends and family can also aid in your recovery journey. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time and space needed to heal and rediscover your strength and resilience.