Yes, it is not uncommon for narcissists to escalate the abuse before discarding their victims. This behavior is often referred to as the "narcissistic discard phase" and is a pattern seen in many abusive relationships involving narcissistic individuals.
There are several reasons why a narcissist might intensify the abuse before ending the relationship:
Maintaining control: Narcissists thrive on having power and control over their victims. As the victim starts to recognize the abuse and pull away, the narcissist may feel a loss of control. To counter this, they escalate the abuse to regain dominance over the victim and maintain the upper hand.
Revenge and punishment: Narcissists can be vindictive and seek revenge when they feel slighted or abandoned. If they perceive the victim as a threat to their self-esteem or ego, they may intensify the abuse as a way to punish the victim for not meeting their expectations or attempting to break free.
Emotional manipulation: The narcissist may use the intensified abuse as a manipulative tactic to keep the victim emotionally invested and dependent on them. By creating an intense emotional rollercoaster, the victim may become confused and hesitant to leave, hoping for the return of the loving and idealized version of the narcissist they once experienced.
Securing alternative supply: Narcissists often have a need for constant admiration and attention. Before discarding a current partner, they may be securing a new source of narcissistic supply (someone who feeds their ego and emotional needs). The heightened abuse may push the victim to end the relationship, allowing the narcissist to shift their attention to the new target.
Devaluation phase: In the narcissistic cycle of abuse, after the idealization phase comes the devaluation phase. This is where the narcissist starts to devalue and demean the victim. The escalation of abuse is often part of this devaluation process, leading to the eventual discard.
It is crucial to recognize that the abusive behavior of a narcissist is not the fault of the victim. Narcissists have deep-rooted personality traits that lead them to engage in manipulative and harmful behaviors. If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, seeking professional help and support can be vital in understanding the dynamics of the relationship and working towards healing and recovery.