It's essential to recognize that I can't diagnose or provide personalized advice. If you're struggling with these feelings, I highly recommend reaching out to a mental health professional who can better understand your situation and provide appropriate support.
Feeling as though your best friends hate you and subsequently pushing them away could be associated with various underlying factors:
Insecurity: You might be experiencing feelings of insecurity, which can lead you to believe that your friends don't value your friendship as much as you do. This insecurity may cause you to interpret their actions or words in a negative light.
Negative Thought Patterns: Negative thought patterns or cognitive distortions can influence your perception of interactions with others. For example, assuming the worst (mind-reading) or thinking in black-and-white terms can lead to misunderstandings and distance in relationships.
Past Experiences: Past experiences of rejection or feelings of not being valued can influence how you interpret current relationships. Past hurts can make you more sensitive to potential signs of rejection, even when they may not be present.
Anxiety or Depression: Anxiety and depression can impact how you perceive and interact with others. These mental health conditions can lead to social withdrawal and make it challenging to maintain close relationships.
Communication Issues: Miscommunications or a lack of open communication with your friends may contribute to misunderstandings and feelings of being unappreciated.
Fear of Abandonment: A fear of abandonment can lead you to preemptively push people away before they have the chance to leave, as a way to protect yourself from potential pain.
Self-Esteem Issues: Low self-esteem can make it challenging to believe that others genuinely care about you and want to be your friend.
It's important to recognize that these feelings and thoughts are valid, but they may not necessarily reflect reality. It's crucial to seek support and talk about your feelings with a mental health professional or a trusted friend or family member. Therapy can help you explore the underlying reasons for these emotions and provide coping strategies to manage them effectively. Building open communication with your friends and expressing your feelings might also help repair the relationships you've distanced yourself from.
Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and it's okay to ask for support when you need it. Taking steps towards understanding and healing can lead to improved well-being and healthier relationships in the long run.