I'm really sorry to hear that you had to go through such a difficult and painful experience during your childhood. Experiencing abuse can leave lasting emotional scars, and it's essential to acknowledge and process your feelings in a healthy way. Here are some steps you can consider:
Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a safe space to talk about your experiences and feelings. Talking about your emotions can be therapeutic and help you gain perspective.
Validate Your Emotions: Understand that it's natural to have a range of emotions about the abuse you experienced, such as anger, sadness, confusion, or even ambivalence. All these feelings are valid, and it's okay to experience them.
Set Boundaries: If you're still in contact with your mother and the relationship is toxic or abusive, consider setting healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognize that the abuse was not your fault. You deserved to be treated with love, care, and respect.
Consider Forgiveness (if appropriate): Forgiveness is a personal decision, and it doesn't mean forgetting or condoning the actions. It's about releasing yourself from the burden of holding onto resentment. However, forgiveness is a process and may take time.
Seek Healing: Engage in activities that promote healing and self-discovery. This might include therapy, meditation, journaling, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy.
Avoid Self-Blame: It's common for survivors of abuse to internalize blame, but remember that the responsibility for the abuse lies solely with the abuser, not with the victim.
Break the Cycle: If you plan to have children or already have them, commit to breaking the cycle of abuse by being a loving and nurturing parent.
Report Abuse if Necessary: If you or someone else is currently experiencing abuse, don't hesitate to report it to the appropriate authorities.
Remember, healing from past trauma takes time, and it's okay to seek professional help if you find it challenging to cope with the emotions on your own. You deserve support and care as you work towards healing and moving forward in life.