Feeling disconnected from your childhood and not holding many memories of that time is not an uncommon experience. There can be various reasons for this phenomenon:
Memory Formation: Memories formed during childhood are often influenced by factors such as emotional significance, repetition, and the level of attention given to events. Some people naturally have stronger memory retention during certain life stages than others.
Psychological Coping Mechanism: For some individuals, a sense of disconnection from their childhood might be a subconscious coping mechanism to deal with past traumas or difficult experiences. If there were challenging events during childhood, the mind may protect itself by suppressing those memories.
Focus on Present and Future: As you mentioned, what matters most to you is who you are today. This focus on the present and the future can sometimes lead to a relative disinterest in revisiting the past.
Changing Perspectives: As we grow and evolve, our perspectives, priorities, and values change. The person we were in childhood might feel distant and disconnected from our current self, as we have undergone various transformations since then.
Selective Memory: It's common for individuals to remember certain aspects of their childhood while forgetting others. The brain can selectively retain memories that are significant or emotionally charged while letting go of more mundane or neutral experiences.
Time Passing: The simple passage of time can make events from the distant past feel vague or unimportant. As we move through different stages of life, the significance we attach to certain memories may diminish.
It's essential to remember that the way you feel about your childhood and your memories, or lack thereof, is a personal and unique experience. There is no right or wrong way to feel about your past. However, if you find that this disconnection is causing distress or impacting your well-being, you might consider talking to a therapist or counselor. They can help you explore any underlying reasons for this feeling and assist you in making peace with your past, fostering personal growth and self-awareness. Remember, understanding your past can sometimes shed light on aspects of your present self and lead to a more profound sense of identity and connection.