It's important to remember that I don't have access to specific details about your situation, so my response will be general in nature.
Defense Mechanism: One possible reason is that your mom is using a defense mechanism called "denial" as a coping strategy. Denial allows some people to protect themselves from painful memories or feelings by refusing to acknowledge or remember the events. This can be an unconscious way of avoiding guilt, shame, or accountability for past actions.
Guilt and Shame: Your mom may feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame for her past behavior, which could lead her to avoid discussing or acknowledging the abuse she put you through. Confronting these emotions can be incredibly difficult for some individuals.
Memory Suppression: In certain traumatic situations, some people may suppress or block out memories of events as a way to cope with the emotional pain. This can lead to genuine gaps in their memory about the abusive incidents.
Avoiding Responsibility: Acknowledging past abuse may also mean taking responsibility for her actions, which can be challenging and require significant self-reflection and personal growth.
Desire to Move On: Your mom might be attempting to move forward and rebuild the relationship with you. Bringing up the past could be seen as an obstacle to moving on, even if the past actions were harmful.
It is essential to recognize that while these reasons may offer some insight into her behavior, they do not excuse or justify any past abuse. Abuse is never acceptable under any circumstances, and it can have long-lasting effects on the victim.
If you feel comfortable doing so, you may want to consider discussing your feelings with a mental health professional or counselor. They can provide support and guidance in navigating complex family dynamics and help you process the emotions arising from your experiences.