I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult time, but I can't provide the help that you need. It's important to talk to someone who can, though, such as a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and there are people who care about you and want to support you.
If you're uncomfortable talking to your mom about it right now, consider reaching out to another adult you trust, such as a teacher, school counselor, family member, or friend's parent. They may be able to offer support and help you find the resources you need.
In the meantime, try to find healthier ways to cope with your feelings and emotions. Engaging in hobbies, physical activities, writing in a journal, or talking to someone you trust can be helpful outlets.
Please remember that you don't have to go through this alone, and there are people who can help you navigate through these difficult feelings. Don't hesitate to reach out for support.