Feeling like your abusive ex still has power over you, even after no contact for a significant period, is not uncommon for survivors of abuse. It's essential to understand that recovering from an abusive relationship takes time and healing isn't always linear. There are several reasons why you might still feel this way:
Trauma Bonding: During the abusive relationship, you might have developed a trauma bond, which creates a strong emotional connection to the abuser. Breaking this bond can be difficult and may take longer than expected.
Emotional Scars: The emotional scars left by the abusive relationship can linger even after physical separation. The memories and past experiences can trigger intense emotions and reactions.
Manipulation Tactics: Abusers often use various manipulation tactics to maintain control even after the relationship ends. They may spread rumors, send messages through mutual acquaintances, or attempt to maintain power through emotional means.
Low Self-Esteem: Abusers often erode their victims' self-esteem and self-confidence. Rebuilding your self-worth can take time and effort.
Fear of Reprisal: If your ex made threats or exhibited violent behavior during the relationship, you may still fear potential consequences if you break contact.
Triggering Environments: Certain places, smells, or sounds may trigger memories and emotions associated with the abusive relationship, making it challenging to move forward.
What to do about it:
Seek Professional Help: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and abuse. Professional support can help you process your feelings, understand the dynamics of the abusive relationship, and develop coping strategies.
Establish Boundaries: If your ex is attempting to contact you or using indirect means to maintain control, it's essential to set firm boundaries and avoid engaging with them.
Develop a Support System: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family, or support groups of people who understand and validate your experiences. Talking to others who have gone through similar situations can be incredibly helpful.
Practice Self-Care: Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and a sense of purpose.
Focus on Personal Growth: Set goals for yourself and work on building your self-esteem and self-confidence. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small it may seem.
Avoid Triggers: While it may not be possible to avoid all triggers, try to minimize exposure to environments or situations that evoke painful memories.
Be Patient and Kind to Yourself: Healing from abuse is a process that takes time. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate through the recovery journey.
Remember that healing is a gradual process, and it's okay to experience setbacks along the way. With support and determination, you can regain your power and move forward to live a fulfilling life free from the influence of your abusive ex.