I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. I'm not a mental health professional, but what you've described could be indicative of an eating disorder or a related mental health issue. Making yourself vomit as a form of self-punishment is a concerning behavior and can have serious physical and emotional consequences.
It's essential to remember that self-diagnosis is not reliable, and it's crucial to consult a mental health professional for a proper evaluation and diagnosis. They can help you understand your feelings and behaviors better and provide appropriate support and treatment.
Reaching out for help is a courageous step, and you don't have to go through this alone. Consider talking to a therapist, counselor, or mental health specialist who has experience with eating disorders and self-harming behaviors. They can work with you to understand the underlying issues, develop coping strategies, and support you on your journey to recovery.
If you're uncomfortable discussing this with someone you know, you can contact helplines or support organizations specializing in eating disorders. They can provide guidance, resources, and a listening ear without judgment.
Remember that you deserve support and compassion, and seeking help is a crucial step towards healing. Don't hesitate to take that step and prioritize your well-being.