I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through such a challenging experience. Breakups can be incredibly difficult and emotionally taxing, especially after a long-term relationship.
Feeling like you carried the burden of the breakup could be due to a combination of factors, including your personality, emotional investment in the relationship, and possibly your ex-boyfriend's dismissive-avoidant tendencies. Let's break down some potential reasons:
Emotional investment: It's evident that you were deeply loyal and committed to the relationship for five years. When a breakup occurs, the person who was more invested emotionally might find it harder to let go, leading to feelings of guilt and a sense of carrying the burden of the breakup.
Communication and coping styles: Dismissive-avoidant individuals tend to have difficulties with emotional intimacy and may withdraw when faced with emotional discussions. This can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of closure during the breakup, leaving the other person feeling like they have to handle the emotional aftermath on their own.
Self-blame: It's not uncommon for people to blame themselves after a breakup, even when it's not their fault. Feelings of guilt might arise, even though the reasons for the breakup could be entirely unrelated to your actions or character.
Social expectations: In some cases, societal norms or personal beliefs might make individuals feel like they should be solely responsible for the relationship's success or failure. This can add to the feeling of carrying the burden.
Recovering from a breakup takes time, and it's essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself. Here are some suggestions to help you cope with these emotions:
Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings. Expressing your emotions and getting support from others can be incredibly helpful during this time.
Self-reflection: Take some time to understand your emotions and what you need to heal. Reflect on the relationship and recognize that breakups often involve shared responsibility.
Avoid self-blame: Remind yourself that breakups are a part of life, and you deserve happiness and love. Be kind to yourself and avoid blaming yourself for the outcome.
Focus on personal growth: Use this period of healing to work on yourself, your interests, and personal development. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Set boundaries: If you're still in contact with your ex-boyfriend and find it challenging to move on, consider setting boundaries or limiting communication to give yourself space to heal.
Be patient: Healing takes time, and it's entirely normal to feel the impact of a breakup for an extended period. Allow yourself the time needed to process your emotions and move forward.
Remember that your worth is not defined by the outcome of this relationship. In time, you will heal and find the strength to move on to new and fulfilling experiences. If your feelings of guilt persist or become overwhelming, consider seeking professional counseling to help you navigate through this difficult period.