It sounds like your relationship is caught in a cycle of unhealthy communication and emotional manipulation during conflicts. This pattern can be damaging and unsustainable in the long run. It's essential to address this issue and work towards healthier ways of resolving conflicts and communicating with each other.
Here are some steps you can take to break this cycle and improve your relationship:
Reflect on Your Actions: Take some time to reflect on your own behavior during fights. Recognize if you have been using threats of breakup as a way to control or manipulate the situation. Acknowledge any patterns in your behavior that might contribute to the negative cycle.
Open Communication: Sit down with your girlfriend during a calm moment and express your concerns about the pattern of threatening breakups during fights. Encourage open communication about how both of you feel during conflicts and discuss healthier ways to handle disagreements.
Establish Boundaries: Agree on boundaries that you both will respect during fights. Make a commitment to avoid using threats of breakup as a way to win arguments or manipulate each other emotionally.
Seek Professional Help: Consider couples therapy or counseling to work through these issues with the guidance of a trained professional. A therapist can help you both understand the underlying dynamics of the relationship and provide tools to communicate more effectively.
Develop Conflict Resolution Skills: Learn and practice healthier ways to resolve conflicts. This includes active listening, empathy, and finding compromises that are acceptable to both of you.
Build Trust: Work on building trust in the relationship. Trust is essential for a healthy and secure bond between partners.
Take Breaks During Heated Arguments: If arguments get too intense, agree to take a break and cool off before continuing the discussion. This can prevent escalation and give both of you time to collect your thoughts.
Focus on Emotional Regulation: Both of you can work on managing your emotions during conflicts. Learn to identify and express your feelings constructively without resorting to threats or emotional manipulation.
Self-Reflection: Be willing to look inward and understand your own needs and triggers. Developing self-awareness can help you communicate more effectively and respond more thoughtfully during conflicts.
Remember, healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. If both partners are committed to making positive changes and breaking harmful patterns, it is possible to overcome these challenges. However, if one or both of you are unwilling to change or if the unhealthy behavior continues despite efforts to address it, you may need to consider if the relationship is truly healthy for both of you in the long term.