Making the decision to break up with someone, especially if they display narcissistic traits, can be an incredibly challenging and complex process. Several factors might be contributing to your difficulty in making up your mind:
Trauma bonding: Narcissists can create a strong emotional bond with their partners, known as trauma bonding or the Stockholm syndrome. This bond can make it difficult for you to see the relationship objectively and may keep you attached, even when the relationship is unhealthy or harmful.
Gaslighting and manipulation: Narcissists are skilled at manipulating and gaslighting their partners, making them doubt their own perceptions and feelings. This can lead to confusion and uncertainty about whether the problems in the relationship are your fault or if the narcissist is truly responsible.
Fear of loneliness or abandonment: Narcissists often use fear tactics to keep their partners from leaving, and this can create a fear of being alone or abandoned. This fear can make it hard to take the step to break up, even when you recognize the toxicity of the relationship.
Glimpses of charm and love-bombing: Narcissists can oscillate between being charming, loving, and attentive to being manipulative and abusive. These occasional "good" moments may create hope that the narcissist can change or that the relationship can improve.
Low self-esteem and self-doubt: Narcissists can erode their partner's self-esteem and self-confidence, making them question their worth and believe they deserve the mistreatment. This can make it hard to believe you deserve better and leave the relationship.
Fear of retaliation: Narcissists can become aggressive or vindictive when they feel threatened, and this fear of retaliation may discourage you from breaking up.
Dependency: If the narcissist has isolated you from friends and family or you have become financially or emotionally dependent on them, it can be challenging to envision life without them.
Sunk cost fallacy: If you have invested a lot of time, energy, and emotions in the relationship, you might feel reluctant to let go, thinking that all those investments would be wasted if you leave.
If you find yourself struggling to make a decision, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor experienced in dealing with relationships and narcissistic abuse. Therapy can help you gain clarity, strengthen your sense of self, set healthy boundaries, and develop coping strategies to deal with the challenges of leaving a narcissistic partner.
Remember that leaving a narcissistic relationship can be a difficult and gradual process. Be patient with yourself, and know that you deserve to be in a healthy and supportive relationship.