People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can sometimes appear "normal" and hide their symptoms, at least initially, especially during the early stages of a relationship or friendship. Several factors contribute to this phenomenon:
Idealization Phase: People with BPD might idealize their new relationships, seeing others as perfect and aligning their own identity with the qualities they admire in their new friend or partner. During this phase, they may suppress or hide their negative emotions or traits.
Masking and Coping Mechanisms: Many individuals with BPD develop coping mechanisms to manage their intense emotions and fear of abandonment. They may wear a "mask" to fit in, be liked, or avoid rejection. This can involve suppressing or concealing their true emotions and behavior.
Fear of Abandonment: The fear of being rejected or abandoned is a significant driving force for individuals with BPD. To prevent this, they may initially go to great lengths to please and accommodate others, behaving in ways they believe will make them more likable.
Emotional Instability: BPD is characterized by intense and rapidly changing emotions. During the initial stages of a relationship, the emotional turmoil may be less apparent as the individual may be on their best behavior. However, as the relationship progresses and becomes more intimate, their emotional instability might become more noticeable.
Idealization-Devaluation Cycle: Individuals with BPD often experience a pattern of idealization and devaluation in their relationships. In the idealization phase, they may excessively praise and admire their friend or partner. However, as the relationship progresses and they become more attached, the fear of rejection intensifies, leading to the devaluation phase, where they might perceive their friend as all bad or unworthy.
Triggering Events: Over time, certain events or situations may trigger intense emotional reactions, causing the person with BPD to behave irrationally and outrageously. These reactions can be disproportionate to the trigger, but they are rooted in past trauma or unresolved emotional issues.
Splitting: As mentioned earlier, individuals with BPD may engage in "splitting," a cognitive distortion where they view others as either all good or all bad. This black-and-white thinking can lead to sudden and extreme changes in how they perceive and treat their friends.
It's important to remember that people with BPD are not deliberately hiding their symptoms or trying to deceive others. Their behavior is a result of complex emotional struggles and coping mechanisms they've developed to navigate their difficulties. With appropriate therapy and support, individuals with BPD can work towards healthier relationships and emotional regulation. However, it's essential to be patient, understanding, and empathetic when dealing with someone who has BPD.