It's entirely normal to have lingering feelings for an ex-partner, even if the relationship was challenging or unhealthy. Love and emotions can be complex, and they don't simply disappear overnight. There are several reasons why you might still love your ex-partner, especially if you have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) yourself or have experienced a rollercoaster relationship.
Attachment and Emotional Bond: During the course of a relationship, we form strong emotional attachments to our partners. These attachments can persist even after the relationship ends, leading to continued feelings of love.
Idealization: People with BPD can often idealize their partners during certain periods, which can create intense emotional connections. These feelings may linger even after the relationship has ended.
Fear of Abandonment: Both individuals with BPD and those who have been in relationships with them may experience a fear of abandonment. This fear can make it difficult to let go of the connection, as they might hope for a reconciliation or believe they can "fix" the relationship.
Trauma Bonding: In toxic or abusive relationships, there can be a phenomenon called "trauma bonding," where intense emotions are created through highs and lows, leading to an addictive cycle.
Hope for Change: People might hold onto the belief that their ex-partner will change or that the circumstances that led to the breakup can be resolved.
Positive Memories: Even in difficult relationships, there are often positive and happy memories that can contribute to lingering feelings of love.
Self-Worth and Identity: Sometimes, individuals tie their self-worth and identity to their relationships. The end of a relationship can leave a sense of loss and emptiness, leading to continued attachment.
Remember, these feelings are not a sign that something is wrong with you. Emotions are a natural part of being human, and it takes time and self-compassion to process and heal from a breakup, especially when it involves a challenging relationship with someone who has BPD.
If you find that these feelings are significantly impacting your well-being or hindering your ability to move forward, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you navigate your emotions, understand your attachment style, and develop healthier coping strategies for dealing with difficult emotions.