Navigating a relationship with someone who has BPD can be challenging, especially when they push you away. Here are some suggestions on how to handle the situation with empathy and care:
Give Space, but Remain Supportive: When your boyfriend pushes you away, it's essential to respect his need for space. Avoid bombarding him with messages or trying to force contact. Let him know that you understand he needs some time, but also express your willingness to be there for him whenever he's ready to talk.
Practice Empathy and Understanding: BPD often involves intense emotions and fears of abandonment. Try to understand that his actions may be driven by these emotions and not a reflection of your relationship or your love for him. Show empathy and patience, even when it's challenging.
Avoid Taking it Personally: It's easy to feel hurt or rejected when your messages go unanswered, but try not to take it personally. Remember that his behavior might be symptomatic of his BPD, and it's not necessarily a deliberate attempt to hurt you.
Use "I" Statements to Express Your Feelings: When you get the chance to communicate, express your feelings using "I" statements. Share how his pushing away makes you feel without placing blame on him. For example, "I feel worried and concerned when I don't hear from you because I care about you."
Encourage Open Communication: Let your boyfriend know that you value open and honest communication. Reassure him that he can share his thoughts and feelings with you without judgment. This might help him feel more comfortable discussing what's going on in his mind.
Learn About BPD Together: Understanding BPD better can be beneficial for both of you. Learning about the condition together can help foster empathy and provide insights into coping strategies. However, avoid diagnosing or labeling your partner, as only a mental health professional can provide an accurate diagnosis.
Encourage Professional Support: If your boyfriend is open to it, suggest seeking therapy or counseling. Professional help can provide him with coping skills and strategies to manage his emotions and improve communication in the relationship.
Practice Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is crucial during challenging times in a relationship. Make sure you have a support system of friends and family to lean on, engage in activities that bring you joy, and consider seeking support from a therapist for yourself if needed.
Set Boundaries: While being understanding, it's essential to set and maintain healthy boundaries in the relationship. Let your boyfriend know how his actions affect you and what you need to feel secure and respected.
Be Patient: Recovery and growth take time, both for individuals with BPD and their loved ones. Be patient with the process and acknowledge that it may have its ups and downs.
Remember that relationships with individuals with BPD can be challenging, but they can also be incredibly rewarding with the right support and understanding. If you find the relationship is causing significant distress or impacting your well-being, don't hesitate to seek guidance from a mental health professional to help you navigate the situation.