If someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD) texts and calls you frequently but then suddenly ignores your attempts at contact, it could be related to the symptoms and challenges associated with the disorder. Individuals with BPD often experience difficulties with interpersonal relationships and emotional regulation, which can lead to intense and sometimes unpredictable behaviors.
Here are some possible explanations for the behavior you described:
Fear of Abandonment: People with BPD commonly struggle with a fear of abandonment. When they feel close to someone or have formed an attachment, they may try to maintain constant contact to alleviate their fear of being left alone or rejected. However, at times, their fear may become overwhelming, leading them to withdraw or distance themselves as a way of self-protection.
Splitting: Splitting is a cognitive distortion often observed in individuals with BPD, where they tend to see things in black-and-white terms, either idealizing someone as all good or devaluing them as all bad. During periods of intense positive emotions, they may reach out frequently. Still, if something triggers feelings of perceived rejection or disappointment, they might suddenly pull away and ignore attempts at contact.
Emotional Instability: BPD can cause significant emotional instability, resulting in rapid shifts in emotions and behaviors. What may seem confusing or inconsistent to others can be a reflection of their emotional turbulence and difficulty maintaining emotional equilibrium.
Self-Doubt and Self-Worth Issues: People with BPD often struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. They might fear that they are burdening others with their presence or feel unworthy of the attention or care, leading them to withdraw suddenly.
Impulsivity: Impulsive behaviors are a hallmark of BPD. The frequent texting and calling might be an impulsive reaction to a momentary emotional state, and later, when emotions stabilize, they may regret their actions and withdraw.
It's important to remember that individuals with BPD are dealing with a mental health condition that can profoundly impact their relationships and emotional experiences. While their behaviors might be challenging to understand or cope with, it's crucial to approach them with compassion and empathy.
If you have a close relationship with someone who has BPD, it might be helpful to educate yourself about the disorder and its challenges. Encourage open communication and express your concern for their well-being. However, managing BPD requires professional support from mental health providers, such as therapists with experience in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) or other evidence-based treatments for BPD. As a friend or loved one, you can provide support, but ultimately, their treatment should be guided by mental health professionals.