When someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD) says, "I'm not trying to blame you," it can indicate a few different things, depending on the context and the individual's intentions. Here are some possible interpretations:
Taking Responsibility: The person might genuinely be trying to express that they recognize their emotions and reactions are their responsibility, not yours. They might be aware of their tendencies to place blame on others due to their BPD, and they want to avoid doing that in this specific situation.
Emotional Regulation: Individuals with BPD often struggle with emotional dysregulation, leading to intense and sometimes irrational reactions. Saying, "I'm not trying to blame you," could be an attempt to manage their emotions and communicate that they are trying not to let their emotional state influence their perspective unfairly.
Avoiding Conflict: In some cases, the person might use this phrase as a way to avoid confrontation or further conflict. They might have the urge to blame you for something but are trying to suppress that impulse consciously.
Seeking Validation: People with BPD often experience feelings of invalidation and fear of abandonment. By stating that they are not trying to blame you, they may be seeking reassurance that you won't reject or abandon them due to their emotions or reactions.
Clarifying Intentions: If the person has expressed their emotions in a way that sounded blaming, they might use this phrase to clarify their intentions. They could be trying to communicate that they are sharing their feelings or experiences without intending to put the blame on you.
It's important to approach such statements with empathy and understanding. Individuals with BPD often have challenges with communication and emotional expression, and they might not always convey their thoughts and feelings in the most straightforward manner. Offering a non-judgmental and supportive response can foster a more open and constructive conversation.
If you are in a relationship with someone who has BPD, communication can be challenging at times. It might be helpful to encourage open dialogues and express your own feelings and boundaries clearly. If the person's BPD traits are causing significant difficulties in the relationship, seeking professional help from a therapist who specializes in treating BPD can be beneficial for both of you. A therapist can help individuals with BPD learn coping strategies, emotional regulation skills, and healthier ways to communicate and relate to others.