There could be various reasons why an ex with borderline personality disorder (BPD) might text you periodically with apologies and expressions of concern. It's essential to remember that BPD can affect individuals differently, and their behavior may not be a reflection of your actions or worth. Here are some possible reasons for their behavior:
Fear of abandonment: Individuals with BPD often experience an intense fear of abandonment, which can make it challenging for them to let go completely. They might reach out to maintain some connection and ensure you haven't completely rejected them.
Idealization-Devaluation cycle: People with BPD may have a pattern of idealizing others initially and then devaluing them when they feel hurt or disappointed. The apologies and expressions of concern could be part of the idealization phase, where they want to reconcile or have a positive image of themselves in your eyes.
Seeking validation and reassurance: BPD can lead to low self-esteem and a constant need for validation from others. By texting you and checking on your well-being, they might be seeking reassurance that they are still cared for, even if the relationship has ended.
Emotional dysregulation: BPD often involves difficulty in regulating emotions, leading to impulsive behaviors and mood swings. They might act on intense emotions in the moment, such as guilt or loneliness, prompting them to reach out to you.
Genuine remorse: Sometimes, individuals with BPD might genuinely regret their past behaviors and actions. They may feel the need to apologize and hope for your forgiveness as part of their personal growth and desire to repair past relationships.
No closure: If the breakup was abrupt or didn't provide closure, they might feel the need to keep reaching out to resolve any lingering feelings or unanswered questions.
Difficulty letting go: BPD can make it challenging to move on from past relationships, especially if there were strong emotional bonds. They might be struggling to accept the end of the relationship and find it hard to let go.
Regardless of the reasons, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being. If these sporadic messages from your ex are causing you distress or interfering with your life, you might consider setting boundaries or limiting contact. If you find it difficult to handle the situation on your own, seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be helpful.
Please remember that individuals with BPD can benefit from therapy and treatment, which can improve their emotional regulation and relationship skills over time. However, as an ex-partner, your primary responsibility is to take care of yourself and your own emotional health.