It's challenging to determine the exact reasons for your ex-partner's behavior without knowing more details about your specific situation. However, I can offer some general insights into why someone with quiet borderline personality disorder (BPD) might act this way.
Quiet BPD, also known as "discouraged borderline," is a subtype of borderline personality disorder where individuals may internalize their emotions and struggles rather than expressing them outwardly. They might avoid confrontation and conflict, which can make their emotional experiences less visible to others. Instead of acting out in an explosive manner, they might turn their emotions inward and withdraw from relationships.
Here are some possible reasons why your quiet BPD ex may have left you suddenly but asked to be friends:
Fear of Abandonment: People with BPD, regardless of the subtype, often experience intense fear of abandonment. They may leave relationships suddenly as a way to protect themselves from potential rejection or abandonment by ending the relationship before they can be hurt.
Emotional Overwhelm: Individuals with BPD might experience overwhelming emotions that they find difficult to handle. Ending the relationship could be a way for them to cope with these intense feelings and avoid further emotional distress.
Idealization and Devaluation: People with BPD often struggle with a pattern of idealizing and devaluing others, known as "splitting." They might go from viewing their partner positively to suddenly seeing them in a negative light, leading to a quick decision to end the relationship.
Desire for Connection: After ending the romantic relationship, the person with quiet BPD may still desire some form of connection with you. Asking to be friends could be a way for them to maintain a bond without the intensity and vulnerability of a romantic relationship.
Avoidance of Confrontation: Quiet BPD individuals might avoid confrontation and tense emotional discussions. Asking to be friends could be a way for them to keep things amicable and avoid potential conflict.
Emotional Ambivalence: People with BPD may experience conflicting emotions, making their decisions and actions appear inconsistent. They might genuinely care for you but feel overwhelmed by the relationship, leading to mixed signals.
It's important to remember that each person with BPD is unique, and their behavior may vary based on their individual experiences and coping mechanisms. If you're unsure about your ex-partner's intentions or actions, consider having an open and honest conversation with them to gain clarity. However, if you find the situation emotionally challenging, seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be helpful in navigating these emotions and moving forward.