When individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) experience rejection from a lover or friend, their reaction can be intense and overwhelming due to their fear of abandonment and emotional sensitivity. How they react and the time it takes to get over the rejection can vary widely from person to person. Here are some common reactions and considerations:
1. Intense Emotional Response: Rejection can trigger intense emotions, such as sadness, anger, anxiety, and fear. Individuals with BPD may experience emotional pain more acutely than others, which can lead to extreme distress.
2. Fear of Abandonment: Rejection can reinforce the fear of abandonment that is often present in individuals with BPD. They may worry that this rejection is a sign of others leaving them or that they are unlovable.
3. Splitting: BPD is characterized by a cognitive distortion called "splitting," where individuals tend to view situations, including relationships, in black-and-white terms. They may idealize the person who rejected them before the rejection and then demonize them afterward.
4. Self-Blame: After a rejection, individuals with BPD may engage in self-blame and feel as though they are fundamentally flawed or unworthy of love and connection.
5. Impulsive Behaviors: Some individuals with BPD may respond to rejection with impulsive behaviors, such as engaging in self-destructive actions, substance use, or attempting to re-establish the relationship in an intense and overwhelming manner.
6. Difficulties in Coping: Getting over rejection can be challenging for individuals with BPD due to their emotional intensity and difficulty regulating emotions. The process of healing and acceptance may take longer than it does for someone without the disorder.
7. On-and-Off Feelings: Individuals with BPD may experience a series of on-and-off feelings about the rejection. They might alternate between anger, sadness, and attempts to reconnect, making the recovery process more complex.
8. Need for Validation: Rejection can intensify the need for validation and reassurance from others. They may seek validation to soothe their feelings of inadequacy and fear of abandonment.
As for the time it takes to get over someone rejecting them, there is no fixed timeline, and it can vary significantly from person to person. Some individuals with BPD may recover relatively quickly with the support of therapy and healthy coping mechanisms. Others might find it more challenging to let go of the emotional pain and move forward, especially if the rejection triggers deep-seated emotional wounds.
Professional therapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can be highly beneficial for individuals with BPD in navigating and processing rejection in healthier ways. Therapy helps them develop coping strategies, emotional regulation skills, and a better understanding of their thoughts and feelings, enabling them to cope more effectively with rejection and build more stable and satisfying relationships.
It's important to approach individuals with BPD with empathy and understanding during times of rejection. Supporting them through their emotions and encouraging them to seek professional help can make a significant difference in their healing journey.