People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often experience intense and unstable emotions, which can lead to significant difficulties in their relationships and interactions with others. The reason for saying they are "fine" initially but then becoming angry at the other person can be attributed to several factors related to BPD:
Emotional dysregulation: People with BPD often struggle with regulating their emotions effectively. They may feel overwhelmed by intense emotions but attempt to suppress or hide them initially, leading them to say they are "fine" even when they are not. However, their emotions can quickly escalate and become unmanageable, resulting in anger or hostility towards others.
Fear of abandonment: Individuals with BPD may have an intense fear of being abandoned or rejected by those they care about. To prevent this perceived abandonment, they might initially deny any problems or emotions to avoid pushing people away. However, when they perceive the other person as not being understanding or supportive enough, they may become angry as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from feeling abandoned.
Splitting: "Splitting" is a cognitive distortion common in BPD, where individuals see things in black-and-white terms, with no middle ground. They may switch rapidly between idealizing and devaluing others. Initially, they might idealize the other person and pretend everything is fine, but if the other person does something that triggers feelings of disappointment or perceived rejection, they may rapidly switch to devaluing that person and react with anger.
Impulsivity: People with BPD can be impulsive in their reactions and behaviors. This impulsivity can lead to sudden outbursts of anger, which may be triggered by minor perceived slights or misunderstandings.
Difficulty in identifying and expressing emotions: Many individuals with BPD have difficulty identifying and accurately expressing their emotions. Saying they are "fine" could be a result of this difficulty in articulating what they are truly feeling. However, their anger may serve as a more accessible and recognizable emotional expression, even if it's a more intense reaction than the situation warrants.
Past trauma and invalidation: Many individuals with BPD have a history of trauma and experiences of emotional invalidation, which can contribute to their emotional sensitivity and difficulty managing emotions effectively. When they feel invalidated or dismissed, they might respond with anger as a way to assert their feelings and demand acknowledgment.
It's important to remember that every individual with BPD is unique, and not all of them will exhibit these specific behaviors. Additionally, therapy and other forms of support can help individuals with BPD develop healthier coping mechanisms and improve their interpersonal relationships. If you or someone you know is struggling with BPD, seeking professional help from a mental health specialist is highly recommended.