I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult and challenging situation. Dealing with an abusive person, especially one with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), can be extremely tough and emotionally draining. There are several reasons why it can be so difficult to get away from an abusive individual:
Manipulation and Gaslighting: Abusers often use manipulation tactics, including gaslighting, to make you doubt yourself and question your own reality. They may twist the truth, deny their actions, or blame you for their behavior, making it challenging for you to see the situation clearly and maintain your self-confidence.
Emotional Dependency: If you have been in a relationship with this person for a significant amount of time, you may have developed emotional dependency on them. This emotional connection can make it harder to break away, even when the relationship is toxic and harmful.
Fear and Intimidation: Abusers may instill fear in their victims, making them afraid of the consequences of leaving. This fear can be related to physical harm, emotional repercussions, or other forms of retaliation, which can make you feel trapped and unsafe.
Cycles of Abuse: Abusive relationships often follow a cycle of tension-building, explosive incidents, followed by apologies and promises of change. This pattern can create a sense of hope that things will improve, leading to an ongoing cycle of abuse.
Low Self-Esteem: Continuous emotional abuse can erode your self-esteem and self-worth, making you believe that you deserve the mistreatment or that you won't find a better situation elsewhere.
Isolation: Abusers may isolate their victims from friends, family, and support networks. Feeling isolated and alone can make it more challenging to seek help or leave the abusive situation.
Trauma Bonding: In some cases, victims of abuse can develop a strong emotional attachment to their abusers, even despite the harm they cause. This phenomenon, known as trauma bonding, can further complicate the decision to leave.
Remember, none of the abuse you experience is your fault. Abusive behavior is a choice made by the abuser, and it's crucial to recognize that you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and dignity.
If you're finding it challenging to leave the abusive relationship, consider reaching out to a therapist, counselor, or support group specializing in abusive relationships and domestic violence. They can provide you with guidance, understanding, and resources to help you navigate the process of leaving safely and healing from the trauma.
Additionally, confide in trusted friends or family members who can offer emotional support and assistance. If you fear for your safety, don't hesitate to contact local authorities or domestic violence hotlines for immediate help and protection.