For a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), an emotionally detached response to their intense emotions or behavior, such as anger or rage, can reinforce negative beliefs they may already hold about themselves and their relationships. It may also trigger or exacerbate feelings of abandonment and emotional distress. The message they perceive from an emotionally detached response can be multifaceted:
Rejection and Abandonment: Individuals with BPD often have a heightened fear of rejection and abandonment. An emotionally detached response may be interpreted as rejection or a sign that the other person does not care about them. This can further intensify their feelings of being unlovable or unworthy of support.
Invalidated Emotions: People with BPD tend to experience emotions more intensely than others. When someone responds with emotional detachment, it can make the individual feel like their emotions are being dismissed or invalidated. They may interpret this as a signal that their feelings are not important or are perceived as excessive.
Heightened Emotional Arousal: An emotionally detached response may fuel their emotional arousal further. They might respond with more intense emotions or behaviors in an attempt to elicit a more engaged response from the other person, creating a cycle of escalating emotions and detachment.
Feelings of Isolation: Perceiving emotional detachment can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Individuals with BPD might feel like they are facing their emotional struggles alone, which can exacerbate their distress.
Self-Blame and Self-Invalidation: Individuals with BPD may internalize the emotionally detached response as evidence of their inherent flaws or inadequacies. They might blame themselves for not being able to control their emotions or for being "too much" for others to handle.
It's important to note that emotional detachment can sometimes be a coping mechanism employed by others when dealing with someone with BPD's intense emotions or behaviors. However, this response is unlikely to be helpful in the long run and may perpetuate difficulties in the relationship.
People with BPD can benefit from relationships that are characterized by empathy, validation, and understanding. Having a supportive and validating environment can play a crucial role in their recovery and emotional well-being. Encouraging open communication and seeking professional help, such as therapy focused on dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) or other BPD-specific treatments, can be beneficial for both the individual with BPD and their loved ones.