Individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) may engage in self-sabotaging behaviors that can negatively impact themselves and their relationships. These behaviors often stem from the emotional intensity, fear of abandonment, and difficulty regulating emotions that are characteristic of BPD. Here are some common ways a person with BPD might sabotage themselves and their relationships:
Idealization and Devaluation: People with BPD often experience rapid and intense shifts in their feelings about others. They might initially idealize someone, seeing them as perfect and putting them on a pedestal, only to later devalue them and view them as wholly negative. This pattern can lead to unstable relationships and difficulty maintaining emotional connections.
Fear of Abandonment: A pervasive fear of abandonment is a hallmark of BPD. This fear may cause them to become overly clingy or dependent on their partner, leading to feelings of suffocation and pushing the partner away. Alternatively, they might preemptively end relationships to avoid being abandoned.
Emotional Outbursts: Due to their difficulty regulating emotions, individuals with BPD may have frequent and intense emotional outbursts. These outbursts can include anger, sadness, or anxiety and can overwhelm and alienate their partners.
Self-Harm and Suicidal Behaviors: Some people with BPD resort to self-harming behaviors or threats of self-harm as a way to cope with emotional pain or to gain attention from their partners.
Impulsive Behaviors: Impulsivity is another characteristic of BPD. This may manifest as reckless spending, substance abuse, binge eating, or engaging in risky sexual behaviors, all of which can strain relationships and negatively impact their lives.
Push-Pull Dynamics: Individuals with BPD might struggle with "push-pull" dynamics, where they alternate between wanting emotional closeness and then distancing themselves to create emotional distance, leading to confusion and instability in relationships.
Splitting: Splitting refers to the tendency to see things in black-and-white terms, where someone is either all good or all bad. This cognitive distortion can lead to frequent conflicts and difficulties in maintaining healthy relationships.
Avoidance of Conflict Resolution: BPD individuals may avoid addressing conflicts or issues directly due to fears of rejection or intense emotional reactions. This avoidance can prevent the resolution of relationship problems.
Testing Boundaries: People with BPD may test the limits of their partners' patience and loyalty, often unintentionally, to gauge their commitment and to validate their fears of being abandoned.
It's crucial to recognize that self-sabotaging behaviors in BPD are often a result of the individual's emotional struggles and not a deliberate attempt to harm others. However, these behaviors can have significant negative consequences on their well-being and relationships.
Individuals with BPD can benefit from therapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which can help them develop healthier coping mechanisms, emotional regulation skills, and more stable and satisfying relationships.