When a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) avoids the issue, it typically means that they are unwilling or unable to address a particular topic, emotion, or situation directly. Avoidance can be a common coping mechanism for individuals with BPD, as they often struggle with intense and overwhelming emotions and have difficulty regulating them effectively.
There are several reasons why a person with BPD might avoid addressing an issue:
Fear of Abandonment: People with BPD often have a deep fear of abandonment and rejection. They may avoid discussing certain topics or conflicts to prevent perceived rejection or negative reactions from others.
Emotional Sensitivity: Individuals with BPD are highly emotionally sensitive, and certain topics or situations may trigger intense emotional reactions. To avoid feeling overwhelmed, they may choose to avoid the issue altogether.
Black-and-White Thinking: BPD can be associated with a cognitive distortion called "splitting," where individuals see things in extreme, all-or-nothing terms. They might avoid the issue if they perceive it as an attack or a threat to their sense of self.
Lack of Emotional Regulation: BPD is characterized by difficulties in regulating emotions. Avoiding the issue might be an attempt to avoid emotional distress and maintain emotional stability, at least temporarily.
Difficulty with Conflict Resolution: People with BPD may struggle with conflict resolution due to their emotional intensity and interpersonal challenges. Avoidance might be their way of managing conflict to prevent further escalation.
Shame and Self-Blame: Individuals with BPD may have feelings of deep shame and self-blame, making it challenging for them to confront certain issues or take responsibility for their actions.
It's important to remember that avoidance is not a healthy or productive way to cope with issues, and it can contribute to relationship problems and emotional distress for both the individual with BPD and those around them.
If you have a friend or loved one with BPD who consistently avoids addressing important issues, it may be helpful to encourage open communication and express your willingness to listen and understand their perspective. However, supporting them to seek professional help, such as therapy, is crucial for them to learn healthier coping strategies and improve their emotional regulation skills. Professional treatment, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can be highly effective in helping individuals with BPD develop healthier ways of coping with emotions and interpersonal challenges.