It's essential to remember that mental health conditions, such as borderline personality disorder (BPD), can affect individuals differently, and each person's experience may be unique. With that said, there are several reasons why a person with BPD might experience conflicting emotions and struggle with the desire to be alone despite loving their significant other intensely:
Fear of Abandonment: People with BPD often have an intense fear of abandonment. They might feel like their significant other will eventually leave them, which can lead to feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. As a result, they might push their loved ones away as a defense mechanism to avoid potential future pain if the relationship were to end.
Emotional Dysregulation: BPD is characterized by emotional dysregulation, where individuals can experience intense and rapidly changing emotions. These emotional swings can be overwhelming and lead the person to seek isolation as a way to cope with their feelings and avoid causing distress to their partner.
Self-Identity Issues: Individuals with BPD may struggle with a stable sense of self. They might have difficulty understanding their own feelings and needs, which can make it challenging to maintain intimate relationships. Being alone might provide them with a temporary escape from this internal struggle.
Fear of Hurting Others: People with BPD may also fear that their intense emotions and mood swings will negatively impact their significant other. By being alone, they might believe they are protecting their loved ones from their emotional turmoil.
Difficulty with Intimacy: Despite wanting close and loving relationships, individuals with BPD may have difficulty with intimacy due to trust issues and a fear of being vulnerable. As a result, they may push their partners away to avoid getting too close and potentially getting hurt.
Lack of Coping Skills: When overwhelmed by emotions or distress, individuals with BPD might not have well-developed coping skills to handle the intensity of their feelings in a healthy way. Being alone can be an attempt to find relief from emotional turmoil temporarily.
Past Trauma: Some individuals with BPD may have experienced past traumas, such as abandonment or neglect, that contribute to their fear of getting close to others. This fear can lead to a desire to be alone to protect themselves from potential hurt.
It's essential to recognize that these reasons are not a justification for pushing loved ones away. Instead, it highlights the complexities and challenges that individuals with BPD face in their relationships. Therapy and support from mental health professionals can be incredibly valuable in helping individuals with BPD develop healthier coping mechanisms, improve emotional regulation, and build more stable and satisfying relationships.