It is not uncommon for individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) to exhibit patterns of excusing mistreatment from others due to their high empathy and caring for the person who hurt them. This behavior can be linked to several features and challenges often present in BPD:
Emotional Dysregulation: People with BPD frequently experience intense and unstable emotions, which can lead to difficulty in managing their reactions to interpersonal situations. They might feel overwhelmed by emotions like sadness, fear, or anger when they are mistreated, but their high empathy may cause them to also feel the pain and distress of the person who hurt them.
Fear of Abandonment: Individuals with BPD often have a profound fear of being abandoned or rejected by others. This fear can lead them to tolerate mistreatment or make excuses for the harmful actions of others, as they might believe that speaking up or setting boundaries could lead to rejection or abandonment.
Idealization-Devaluation: A common pattern in BPD is idealizing others, seeing them as perfect or flawless, followed by sudden shifts to devaluing them, where they are perceived as completely negative and harmful. When someone with BPD experiences mistreatment from a person they had previously idealized, their high empathy and caring may lead them to minimize or excuse the harmful behavior, trying to revert to seeing the person in a positive light.
Self-Blame: Individuals with BPD may have low self-esteem and a tendency to blame themselves for problems and conflicts in relationships. This self-blame can lead them to excuse the mistreatment by assuming they somehow provoked or deserved it.
Interpersonal Sensitivity: People with BPD are often highly sensitive to interpersonal cues and emotions. They might be more attuned to the feelings and needs of others, and this heightened sensitivity can make it challenging for them to confront or address mistreatment, especially when they perceive that the person who hurt them is experiencing distress themselves.
It is important to note that not every person with BPD will exhibit this behavior, as the disorder can manifest differently in different individuals. Additionally, people with BPD can still have healthy boundaries and hold others accountable for their actions. Seeking therapy and support can be beneficial for individuals with BPD to learn coping strategies, emotional regulation skills, and how to navigate challenging interpersonal situations in a healthier manner.